Today preparation for a week of relaxation and sunshine was somewhat threwted by the machines gradually taking over the world.
It started at the gym with pre-workout stress of being told by a woman who was so thin it was alarming that she could infact stand up. Her skin having an transparent quality not only seeing she bones but also internal organs which revealed her stomach to empty. She informed me that the changing room were full of cockroaches and to be careful.
I decided that since I have a close affintiy to cockroaches having lived in China with them for a year that this was probabably more likely to be her brain working overtime but just in case I double checked the locker before my entry in to the gym.
The treadmills were all being used apart from the new one which had instructions in French as well as English, though this was slightly redundant as I didnt have my reading glasses so I pressed buttons randomly till it started on what I relied was hill and fast for around twenty minutes.
Heart hamerring against my chest I did a quick pulse check to find out that I had infact died and no longer had a pulse. After twenty minutes of knee crunching pressing the emergency button helped to release me from further embarassment.
I then went to book a train ticket for tomorrow's sleep in at the airport. This was due to my not reading the flights correctly and booking a flight with a check in at 7am at Gatwick. First train or bus arrives at Gatwick at 9am. A guard informed me to use the machine which I did forming a large queue behind me. Eventually the guard came to my assistance mainly to stop the sound of people shouting "Hurry up with a colourful array of language. He informed me that the ticket machine only worked for tickets within the next 12 hours and that I needed to wait for a human to give me a ticket. Which I informed him I was happy to do so as machines were evil. I dont think he heard me as he seemed to walk quickly away from me.
I had dilginatly printed my tickets and visa which I proudly stored on my floor which nicely mopped up the mug of tea I accidently kicked over but I felt sure that reprinting would be a relatively simple task to do at the library. A librian who seemed terrribly busy explained to get on to a computer I simply had to put in my library number and date of birth on to a computer .
After 15 minutes of repeatedly getting Not reconised I went back to the librainan who went and put the numbers in for me. I was then given access to the golden computer , and after several attempts managed to type in the correct code to get in to the internet and print out my tickets and visa. Well actually just my visa as I had mis-spelt my email address for the tickets and a lovely on line opporator had corrected this so I could print out the tickets but unfortuanatly they had sent a confrimation email later which I had ignored. So slightly flustered and paranoid about the man sitting next to me with a 70s footballers haircut and smell of mildew I decided that I would have to hope that a smudge ticket will not be grounds for being held under the terrorist act. I walked out leaving my keys on the computer desk and was given what can only be described as a pitying look by Mr 70s football hair cut when I ran in to retrieve them again. Feel I need to revive the Luddite movement.